Jokes

[czreck]

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.

He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."

The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?"

She says, "That he did, Father..."

The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"

She says, "He said, 'Jesu ;Ds, Please Mary, put down the gun." ;D ;D ;D

[czreck]

Old Shooters

Three old rifle shooters are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?" Second one says, "No, its Thursday!" Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer." "

[czreck]

Navy Rules for Gun Fighting

* Go to Sea
* Send the Marines
* Drink Coffee

[czreck]

USMC Rules For Gun Fighting

* Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your friends who have guns.
* Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
* Only hits count. A close miss is still a miss.
* If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough nor using cover correctly.
* Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movements are preferred.)
* If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a long gun and a friend with a long gun.

[czreck]

cont. USMC Rules For Gun Fighting

# In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics.
# They will only remember who lived.
# If you are not shooting, you should be communic- ating, reloading, and running.
# Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the gun.
# Use a gun that works EVERY TIME.

[czreck]

cont. USMC Rules For Gun Fighting

# Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
# Always cheat = always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
# Have a plan.
# Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.
# Use cover and concealment as much as possible.
# Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
# Don't drop your guard.
# Always tactically reload and threat scan 360

[czreck]

Mafia · Guns · Watches
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me. But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead.

You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple od bambino, some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in be with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, "TIMES UP"?

[czreck]

Birth Control · Pills · thingy · Bullets

They've got a new birth control pill for men now. I think that's fair. It makes a lot more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a bulletproof vest.

[czreck]

Guns · Army

How many guns do the US need to combat an enemy?
Two: one to shoot and one to sell him to shoot back.

[czreck]

Judge: Please identify yourself for the record.

Defendant: Colonel Ebenezer Jackson.

Judge: What does the "Colonel" stand for?

Defendant: Well, it's kinda like the "Honorable" in front of your name. Not a d**n thing.

[czreck]

Navy SEALS Rules:

1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.

[czreck]

U.S. Army Rangers Rules:

1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.

[czreck]

U.S. Army Rules:

1. Select a new beret to wear.
2. Sew patches on right shoulder.
3. Change the color of beret you decide to wear.

[General]

HANEP HA!!

BUMABAHA SA JOKES!!!